Bright lights shone down in blinding beams while paper streamers cascaded from the ceiling in red white and blue. Loud cheers and thunderous applause filled the air. It was done. There was no longer any need for a general election. The primaries would dictate who won the seat of the president, and all it took was a monster. Not a figurative one mind you, but a literal monster with the ability to absorb living flesh. A parasite of sorts that was composed of the chosen candidates of the left and right parties merged into one all powerful being!
What a strange and amazing turn of events at the 2016 national conventions! I mean wow! Without provocation the male and female candidates had taken to the stage of the convention hall, embraced, and by what seemed like pure instinct, they merged. It was grotesque, but also quite beautiful. As they held one another tiny worms protruded from their skin, thick mucus oozed from their bodies in large flowing globs enveloping their forms, and every human among us began screaming like small children who had lost their little minds. Can you blame them? I mean I wish you could have seen the looks on their faces!
Eventually the worms tore through the candidates clothing and their form became more abstract. Their skin slothed from their bodies and slid to the floor but were quickly consumed by this new life form which formed itself into a giant wiggling maw, scooping up its old flesh for nourishment. Like a beautiful butterfly it took shape in the most violent manner imaginable stretching its newly formed arms wide, and gave us all a gleaming white smile that literally stretched from ear to ear! It’s grey and slimy skin wriggled and writhed under the bright lights, and its eyes were wide with excitement! If that’s not pure charisma I don’t know what is! There’s no turning back now. We gave each other an acknowledging look, and one by one we all removed our disgusting fleshy disguises!
Why should we have to pretend to be human any longer? Why should we pretend to care about humans when we’re not human at all? If we could remove the general constituents from the political process and only focus on the votes of other monsters wouldn’t that make things so much simpler?
Then there’s the question that is itching deep in the back of your collective human minds. What is a monster and why would you elect one into office? A politician of course, and why would you worry your delicious little heads about the electoral process? I mean we are literal inhuman supernatural creatures with a thirst for human blood, but other than that we are no different than you. Except for the fact that we have no soul. I do mean this literally. The process is quite simple but very painful mind you. It’s not for the squeamish. A hooded floating apparition enters our reality from the nether realm, reaches deep into our chest cavity, and tears out our soul. It becomes a kind of payment for everlasting life, and power as well.
Each politician takes a different monstrous form depending on the color and tone of one’s soul. This particular creature that the two political parties have chosen is called a Grey Leech. It is a very rare type of monster, and somehow the two chosen candidates had taken this form at their individual moments of transformation from human citizen to political monster. This was was quite unexpected and very a very rare occurrence indeed! You can’t have just anyone merge into a single being of ultimate power. That would be cheating! Even monsters have some form of ethics you know.
Everything is perfect! The planets have aligned, and so have the two most powerful political parties in the world. We now have a global leader, and there is nothing you humans can do about it! All you can do is watched silently on your tiny glowing screens as the world as you know it comes to an end.
The Leech has won. Long live the Leech! This is Wolfman Wormtongue of Pandora’s Box News signing off!
What crawls under your skin? What haunts your dreams and your moments of wake? Why are you staring at me? Is there something on my face? Don’t be silly. That is my face!
Slither your way over to twitter. Feed me grubs, and rub my belly OR I’LL BITE YOUR FACE OFF! I mean come say hello, please. @